To my family and Blake's friends:
He’s already there, take a look around
He’s the sunshine in your hair
He’s the shadow on the ground
He’s the whisper in the wind
He’s your imaginary friend
and he'll be there wherever you are because he's already there
He's already there, take a look around
He’s the beat in your heart
He’s the moonlight shining down
He’s the vision that you see
He’s a part of you and me
and he’ll be with you wherever you are because he’s already there.
these are some words from a song that I find meaningful when someone you love is physically not with you, I believe in them.
Blake you are missed so much, your sister Laurie
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
Blessings from Blake
When the thunderclouds
start to rain,
Let the rain
fall down on me.
For the droplets
contain your spirit
Which washes away my sins
and covers me with love.
I missed you terribly on Thanksgiving. And then this morning when I awoke, it rained on me. Thank you and I love you. Dad
start to rain,
Let the rain
fall down on me.
For the droplets
contain your spirit
Which washes away my sins
and covers me with love.
I missed you terribly on Thanksgiving. And then this morning when I awoke, it rained on me. Thank you and I love you. Dad
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
The Best Man
I was lucky enough to have such a wonderful friend and it brings me so much happiness to know that Blake had what he spoke of in this clip. It was definitely not long enough, but he had it. Don't forget to cherish all the moments you have with your family and friends and make sure to tell them every chance you get.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Missing You Bro
3 weeks have gone by and it feels like an eternity. I try to work and I try to play, but the sorrow and pain just overwhelm me. Nothing is the same. When I drive, when I take a break at work, when I stare at my little girls faces, I just feel this immense sadness at the cold reality that Blake (BJ) will never be among our presence ever again. How can this be? I just keep replaying my last few days with Blake over and over again in my head. How can a human being tolerate such pain and suffering and knowingly say goodbye to the ones he loved the most? I feel compelled to share these thoughts because they are real and I know I am not alone. None of us are alone. I just really miss him more than words can say. I am grateful that he is not suffering anymore, that thought brings the one ray of sunshine into my each and every day.
Love Steven
Love Steven
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Fedora and the pooch
Lisa sent me some pictures from her phone that hopefully are viewable. One with Blake in the Fedora Lisa bought him when we were all in Madison. The other with Betty. I'll see what I can do to improve the quality or enlarge them.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
to Blake and family
Dear Blake, It's hard to comprehend the passing of time. It has been almost two weeks since you left us. We hope that you and Adam are together, are you still arguing??? No one ever won you know, but you two enjoyed the fight. Adam always loved pizza too, so now he has a partner to share one with. To your famiy. It is a hard road you have to travel, much of it will be rollercoaster ride, but know that there will once again be laughter and smiles in the future and much love and joy from your amazing family. Life will just be different. We send our love and will keep in touch Love Joni and Jeff
Sometime in 1990...I think.
Considering how long Blake and I have known each other, I thought I had more pictures, but those are obviously the pictures in my mind. These were taken when Blake was at Manchester College in Indiana. I don't know how many of you visited him there, but I gotta tell you, this was the most boring drive I have ever taken. Blake literally described how to get there by saying "You get to Merriville, IN and then hop on I30 for like 100 miles in a straight line. Now, the first time I drove there, I figured he was exaggerating. I kid you not, it was the longest 100 miles I ever drove. It felt as if I was on a big car treadmill and they had scenery on each side that repeated itself every 3rd or 4th corn field. I had to look on a map to see for myself and it is pretty straight as you can see. 
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
In your memory, Blake . . .
Dear Blake,
As your time here in the physical world nears its end, I am in awe of your strength and courage. I hope your journey into God's loving arms will be beautiful and pain free. I know it is Jewish tradition to donate to charities in honor of loved ones. Therefore, I have made a committment to "Faye's Light", an organization that provides free spa services to terminal cancer patients. It was started by Faye's daughter, who cared for her cancer-ridden mother. They supply nail and hair sevices as well as massage therapy to comfort and pamper these wonderful people such as yourself. I will volunteer once a month for as long as possible in your memory.
. . . excerpt from Angela Colburn's final message to Blake. Angie is Blake's step-sister (Jackie Cadkin's daughter), and she is a licensed massage therapist.
As your time here in the physical world nears its end, I am in awe of your strength and courage. I hope your journey into God's loving arms will be beautiful and pain free. I know it is Jewish tradition to donate to charities in honor of loved ones. Therefore, I have made a committment to "Faye's Light", an organization that provides free spa services to terminal cancer patients. It was started by Faye's daughter, who cared for her cancer-ridden mother. They supply nail and hair sevices as well as massage therapy to comfort and pamper these wonderful people such as yourself. I will volunteer once a month for as long as possible in your memory.
. . . excerpt from Angela Colburn's final message to Blake. Angie is Blake's step-sister (Jackie Cadkin's daughter), and she is a licensed massage therapist.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
To My Son
It is one week since you left your body behind and entered your next journey while we still try to return to our "normal" existence on earth . You told us while you were dying to share happiness which to me means love everyone you meet , forgive others and yourself and continue making jokes and telling DAD stories. May your journey be filled with love and the ability to sing in perfect pitch . May Shakespeare give you the staring role in Hamlet and may your love of people rain down on us all (Whenever it rains, I will think of you). Our creator blessed my family with you as a son but he also blessed the world with your spirit, joy, smile, happiness and your love. May God bless your soul through eternity and please, please save some pizza for the rest of us.
From your DAD
(From an email sent out Friday 11/2)Friday, November 2, 2007
SAVE THE DATE!!!!
I just checked my calendar and September 6th, 2008 is a Saturday. My goal is to get us all back together for one big pizza party to celebrate Blake's birthday. Pepperoni for all!!! Throw your ideas into the comments section and we can organize this so it's done right.
Driveway Time
Our nights growing up were filled with different experiences, but the most prevalent of them all was "Driveway Time". It didn't matter if it was at my house or Blake's on Sheridan, but it always had us with an ever changing group of friends joining in. We would spend hours hanging out, listening to music, and talking about this and that. Typically on the play list was Queen's Greatest Hits and Styx's Caught in the Act Live. We played the hell out of them. Whenever Bohemian Rhapsody came on we would go back and forth with that famous chorus that was made even more famous in Wayne's World(Blake and I always felt it was stolen from us, but let's face it, people have probably been doing that since it came out in 1975). The occassional pizza was delivered and we would be out there until everyone went home or just couldn't stay up any longer. Those were great times and I would love to hear from anyone else who shared that experience with us.
My Big Brother
You taught me how to act
You taught me how to sing
You taught me how to play fight
without hurting one thing
You taught me how to dance
how to twirl without a care
The way we glided at bar and bat mitzvahs
we were Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire
In high school I was ecstatic when you would take me out to parties. So proud you felt your little sis could hang with you and your compadres.
Bravery and courage do not begin to describe the way you handled yourself in your hospital bed when you held me as I cried.
The pain I feel without you here is more than I thought that I could bare
But once again you're here with me
your love I feel will never leave
I'll end my thoughts to you here with my favorite dance move of ours; I'd put one hand on each of your shoulders and you'd pick me up by the waist and throw both of my legs to your left side, then throw them back to your right side and finally back to your left side you throw my entire body around your back until we were both facing each other once more.
I love you B.J. and I look forward to the day when we are face to face again.
Lizzy
You taught me how to sing
You taught me how to play fight
without hurting one thing
You taught me how to dance
how to twirl without a care
The way we glided at bar and bat mitzvahs
we were Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire
In high school I was ecstatic when you would take me out to parties. So proud you felt your little sis could hang with you and your compadres.
Bravery and courage do not begin to describe the way you handled yourself in your hospital bed when you held me as I cried.
The pain I feel without you here is more than I thought that I could bare
But once again you're here with me
your love I feel will never leave
I'll end my thoughts to you here with my favorite dance move of ours; I'd put one hand on each of your shoulders and you'd pick me up by the waist and throw both of my legs to your left side, then throw them back to your right side and finally back to your left side you throw my entire body around your back until we were both facing each other once more.
I love you B.J. and I look forward to the day when we are face to face again.
Lizzy
Thursday, November 1, 2007
"In a Perfect World . . ."
People would say to Blake, "It's not fair/you're too young/you have so much to offer/it is just not your time." Blake's response: "In a perfect world. . ." Blake understood life better than anyone.
For those of you who may not know, I am Blake's (B.J.'s) little brother and I couldn't be prouder. Words cannot describe the pain and sorrow I feel today as I stand here and share my experiences and stories of a truly great man. He taught me more about character and human spirit that I didn't even know existed. He fought this horrific disease bravely and valiantly for six months. Blake was stoic throughout. He never once complained nor did he ever ask, "Why me?"
Every time I visited with Blake I would ask him, "How are you doing?" He would just smile and say he was doing good. He smiled throughout and enjoyed the company of family and friends at every possible moment. He was a true warrior with the most gentle soul, which I was fortunate enough to discover during the past months.
The last 48 hours of Blake's 37 blessful years here with us were absolutely extraordinary. As he was in and out of consciousness and being tormented endlessly with pain and nausea, he would say the most beautiful things I have ever heard. At one point near the end, after having had his eyes closed for many hours, he opened them long enough to scan the entire room and then say in the sweetest whispering voice, "I love you all." I thought, how can Blake top that? Well, leave it to Blake to try. A few hours later he had one last moment that to me truly defined Blake's character. In his one last attempt to communicate with those loved ones surrounding him, he whispered in his deep sleep, "I am so lucky." It was only an hour later that Blake took his last few breaths and found true peace. He was surrounded by family and friends whom he had such deep affection for.
When Blake was told of his illness, he didn't waver. He said to the doctor, "What do I have to do to fight this disease and when can I start?" He was determined to beat this thing and believed that he would until near the end. No one was going to tell him otherwise. Blake was going to do it his way and on his terms, just as he lived his life.
Blake lived for the here and now. His philosophy on life was a little different than most. He decided he was going to be retired before he worked. This made sense to Blake, and as it turns out, he had it right all along. He got to experience life to its fullest exactly the way he wanted. What more can one ask for?
He was a brilliant man who read books at the speed of light. He relished science fiction novels and was an expert on just about everything. In fact, Blake would sometimes take his expertise to another level. He might tell you the earth is flat, and by the time he was done with you, you either believed him or you would just give up. He didn't like to be wrong and always argued until you could argue no more. This was Blake and this was one of the many things I loved about my brother. Little did I know that his willingness to never give up would play such an important role in his life.
His biggest passion in life was acting. This was his true calling in life. He relished being up on stage and having an audience cheer him on. He started acting in high school and never looked back. He participated in countless plays over the last 20 years and started to direct plays as well. He and his wife, Lisa, started up the Eclectic Arts Theater Company in Oshkosh, which is where he spent most of his free time. The acting community was where Blake belonged and where he built many special relationships. I know all of his friends and colleagues will miss him dearly.
I feel so lucky and fortunate to have shared my life with Blake. We had the best of times, starting when we were just little boys. We invented so many little games that entertained us, my favorite being "Don't Touch Green!" Almost our entire first floor and upstairs was green carpet, and we had to navigate the house without touching green. The first to do so lost the game. Win or lose, we always had a great time. I remember building a tree house in our backyard with our bare hands that we spent so much time climbing up and down just giggling and laughing, oblivious of our adulthood yet to come.
As we grew into young men, Blake physically grew much faster than me and then I knew I was in trouble. Plain and simple, he could whoop my butt. Blake loved to make sure I knew that. Remember how I said Blake was an expert on almost anything? Well, he became an expert on pressure points and inflicting pain at will. I, fortunately, became an expert on how to avoid pain. When Blake would come after me, I would immediately drop to the ground in a ball and just tell him that he won. He soon gave up his efforts when he realized there was no longer a challenge. Of course, I wasn't always Mr. Innocent. I could antagonize as good as anybody. Sometimes I guess I would enjoy the chase. Perhaps because it brought a smile to Blake's face. These were the little things that ultimately led to our special brother bond.
Then along came the Hirsches and our family grew. We became known as the Hirschkins. We were a family to be reckoned with. Blake really enjoyed the instant addition of four siblings. He bonded with each of you in a special way. Jacqueline, Steve, Gordon, and the youngster of the family, Lizzy. You brought so much life and energy into our family. That really is a gross understatement: you were really a crazy and wild bunch, which is what Blake loved about all of you so mucy. You were all so special to Blake in your own ways, and I know you share the grief and sorrow that I feel here today. He felt your love and compassion over the past few months and I know it was very special to him that you were all at his side during his last few days. You guys are so amazingly strong and I know that even though a link has been broken in our chain, we will only grow stronger as a family. Blake will always be with us in our hearts.
As we approached the teenage years, Blake became the Ladies' Man. He was a good-looking guy and by no means was he shy. His bedroom was up on the 3rd floor of our house and mine was on the 2nd floor. I truly can't remember how many different pretty girls Blake escorted so eloquently up to his room to hang out. I, of course, being younger and a little curious, decided to sneak up there one time to sneak a peek. Not such a good idea! Blake caught me peering in and let me have it! Let's just say Blake had 100% privacy from that moment on. The girls just adored Blake. He had such a presence and way of making people feel good about themselves.
Blake forged many special friendships and special bonds during his childhood, some that have lasted a lifetime. No matter how much time passed between visits or calls, nor distance traveled away from home, these friendships continued to grow and strengthen. Blake would find a place in a friend's heart and he wouldn't leave. Todd, Frank, and Alexis, you really understood Blake like no one else. I know this because I, too, had this special bond with Blake. He loved you guys so much and I know you loved him the same. Thank you for being there in the end. Blake wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I know how difficult that must have been, but know you will take this special experience and the love that comes with it forever.
Then there is Adam, may he rest in peace. Blake and Adam had such a special friendship duriing their childhood years. They were inseparable. They had the most special of bonds that may happen only once in a lifetime. Suddenly and tragically, Blake's friend passed away at college. Blake was devastated. Not a day has gone by that Blake has not thought about you, Adam. I will never forget the story about Joni, Adam's mother, going to visit her son, Adam, at his final resting place. Whom did she see there but our Blake, keeping Adam company. What a moment that must have been! I know Blake took solace and comfort in his last days here on earth that you were waiting for him with open arms, Adam, looking to be united with your best friend. Please take care of my brother, as I know he will do the same for you.
I know Blake will be joined by so many others who have been waiting for him. Blake, please give big hugs and kisses to Grandmommy, Grandpa Siegfried, and Grandpa Ben. I know I speak for our entire family when I say we miss you all.
As time marched on, I found myself working next to Blake at Pretzel Maker at a mall in Mount Prospect. Little did Blake know this would be the largest turning point in his life. He met his beautiful and adoring wife, Lisa, who worked at a bookstore a few spaces down. How fitting! Go figure Blake would fall for a young woman who loved books, science fiction, and most of all, acting! They were the perfect match. How lucky they were to find each other! They were two souls meant to be with each other and sustain each other. Nothing else mattered as long as they had each other. We welcomed Lisa into our family with open arms and she will forever and always be a member of our family. Shortly after they met, they made their home up in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, 10 years ago, and then were married just over 5 years ago on October 19. Blake was determined to be with Lisa to celebrate their special anniversary.
Lisa, you truly are a special person. Know that you are loved like a sister. My brother was lucky to have you by his side throughout. This he knew. When Blake and I had a quiet moment in the hospital, he turned to me and professed his eternal love for you and insisted that I take care of his Lisa. How lucky I felt that he would entrust me with the most important request of his life! I know you will be part of our lives forever and know that we will be there for you no matter what. On Blake's last day with all of us surrounding him, he knew where you were at every moment. His head was always facing you except for the moments he would shift around a bit. His eyes closed the entire day but for only the last moments he opened his eyes wide and looked right at you, his true love, as he left this world as pure as the day he arrived. He was at peace and you were there with him.
Blake loved being an uncle to his 4 nieces and 2 nephews. Our children Eliza, Abbie, and Lexi, along with his sister (and mine) Laurie's children Brett, Riann, and Jake loved you so very much. Boy, did they love spending time with you up in Oshkosh! They would nag us for hours on end: "When are we going to see Uncle Blake and Aunt Lisa? When are we going back to Wisconsin?" None of us will ever forget how special the visits were. We all came together as a family in a way I had never know because of you, Blake. Such a special gift you gave us. It was nice that all of our siblings could be together in one place and celebrate your life and your 37th birthday.
Let us not forget about your last trip to our home 5 weeks ago. This, to me and all of us, was the most special trip of all. You got to enter into our world and be a part of our lives as we lived them. My heart aches that you will never see my family again. I am so glad you got to have your last double order of French Toast at Walker Brothers smothered with syrup. We know how much you loved to eat. So much, in fact, that I remember you ordering a pizza from Il Forno's on many occasions when we were kids. If I so much as went after a piece of your pizza, you would slap my hand and tell me not to even think about it. Pizza was serious business for you. I remember that if anyone was sharing pizza with you, they had better eat at a record pace, or they may find only a few slices to spare. Fortunately, during your visit, we were able to enjoy your most favorite pizza of all, a large Pequod's thin crust pepperoni. I know what a treat that was for you. Thank goodness we ordered two pizza's for all of us because in Blake style, you finished the whole pizza in dramatic fashion. You have no idea how much I enjoyed seeing you polish off that pizza! The little things in life . . .
I will forever remember the first morning you woke in our house during your visit. You were sitting alone at our kitchen table sipping coffee, as we know you loved to do. I can honestly say I don't know anyone who drank more coffee than you. Well, I saw a shadow creep by our bedroom door that morning and take off downstairs. I stared over the railing and saw the most precious thing I have ever seen. Abbie came up behind you ever so gently, gave you a loving soft rub on your back, and leaned up to kiss you on the cheek. Wow. Then Abbie just sat with you for a half hour just chatting with as only Abbie can do. Eliza, of course, came down shortly thereafter and sat to your other side, and they both kept you in perfect company. The smile and sweetness on your face was priceless. They loved having you here, as we all did. Let's not forget about our little Lexi, who loved to scamper around the house aimlessly with her little smile while you stared at her with delight and love. Time is so precious. I just wish we had more. I will always wish we had more. Our children will miss you dearly and rest assured they will never, ever forget their Uncle Blake. You will be in all of our hearts forever.
We must not forget that while Blake grew into a strong courageous man with such conviction and strength, that he was still his Mommy and Daddy's little boy. The joy he brought to our mother and father was irreplaceable. As a brother, I know how deep my hurt runs, but I can't imagine the grief a mother and father share for the loss of their child. How do a mother and father say good-bye to a son? It's not supposed to be this way, as Blake would say,
" . . . in a perfect world." As lucky as you were to have Blake, he was equally as lucky to have you as parents. A boy needs his Mom and Dad. You were there for him every single step of the way, and he knew that until the end. You were both on each side of him as he took his last breaths, providing him with endless love as you helped him to find peace. Although nothing can or ever will replace our Blake, know that you have all of us to lean on so long as you live.
I also need to say a special thank you to my mom's husband, Lew (my stepdad, who has always been like a father to me), and my dad's wife, Jackie (my stepmom, who has always been a special part of my life). You were true champions. The support and love you gave my mom and dad are unmatched. You are all truly amazing.
Last but certainly not least, I need to tell my adorable wife how much I love her. I love you. You have been at my side relentlessly through this whole nightmare, and I don't think I could have made it through all of this without your strength and support. I also know that you loved Blake very much, and that he found a special place in your heart. He was so fond of you from the day he met you at Pretzel Maker when you came by to visit. He grilled you for 45 minutes and when he was done, you passed his test. You were in. This was Blake, looking out for his little brother as he always did. I know Blake appreciated you in the same way I did, and he loved you like a sister. In his mind, I couldn't have been luckier to find you. I agree. Thank you for being you.
We know that our world is far from perfect, but I do know it was a better world with you in it, Blake. It was such a gift to have you for 37 years. I am proud to say that you were my brother, and whenever I speak of you, which will be often, it will be with the utmost of dignity and pride. You have shown me how to live life to its fullest, and appreciate every single day we have. I will look forward to seeing you on the other side, brother. My heart will always have a little hole in it until such time. I love you with all of my heart, and I will miss you forever and always.
. . . . written and delivered by Steven Cadkin on the day we lay Blake to rest.
For those of you who may not know, I am Blake's (B.J.'s) little brother and I couldn't be prouder. Words cannot describe the pain and sorrow I feel today as I stand here and share my experiences and stories of a truly great man. He taught me more about character and human spirit that I didn't even know existed. He fought this horrific disease bravely and valiantly for six months. Blake was stoic throughout. He never once complained nor did he ever ask, "Why me?"
Every time I visited with Blake I would ask him, "How are you doing?" He would just smile and say he was doing good. He smiled throughout and enjoyed the company of family and friends at every possible moment. He was a true warrior with the most gentle soul, which I was fortunate enough to discover during the past months.
The last 48 hours of Blake's 37 blessful years here with us were absolutely extraordinary. As he was in and out of consciousness and being tormented endlessly with pain and nausea, he would say the most beautiful things I have ever heard. At one point near the end, after having had his eyes closed for many hours, he opened them long enough to scan the entire room and then say in the sweetest whispering voice, "I love you all." I thought, how can Blake top that? Well, leave it to Blake to try. A few hours later he had one last moment that to me truly defined Blake's character. In his one last attempt to communicate with those loved ones surrounding him, he whispered in his deep sleep, "I am so lucky." It was only an hour later that Blake took his last few breaths and found true peace. He was surrounded by family and friends whom he had such deep affection for.
When Blake was told of his illness, he didn't waver. He said to the doctor, "What do I have to do to fight this disease and when can I start?" He was determined to beat this thing and believed that he would until near the end. No one was going to tell him otherwise. Blake was going to do it his way and on his terms, just as he lived his life.
Blake lived for the here and now. His philosophy on life was a little different than most. He decided he was going to be retired before he worked. This made sense to Blake, and as it turns out, he had it right all along. He got to experience life to its fullest exactly the way he wanted. What more can one ask for?
He was a brilliant man who read books at the speed of light. He relished science fiction novels and was an expert on just about everything. In fact, Blake would sometimes take his expertise to another level. He might tell you the earth is flat, and by the time he was done with you, you either believed him or you would just give up. He didn't like to be wrong and always argued until you could argue no more. This was Blake and this was one of the many things I loved about my brother. Little did I know that his willingness to never give up would play such an important role in his life.
His biggest passion in life was acting. This was his true calling in life. He relished being up on stage and having an audience cheer him on. He started acting in high school and never looked back. He participated in countless plays over the last 20 years and started to direct plays as well. He and his wife, Lisa, started up the Eclectic Arts Theater Company in Oshkosh, which is where he spent most of his free time. The acting community was where Blake belonged and where he built many special relationships. I know all of his friends and colleagues will miss him dearly.
I feel so lucky and fortunate to have shared my life with Blake. We had the best of times, starting when we were just little boys. We invented so many little games that entertained us, my favorite being "Don't Touch Green!" Almost our entire first floor and upstairs was green carpet, and we had to navigate the house without touching green. The first to do so lost the game. Win or lose, we always had a great time. I remember building a tree house in our backyard with our bare hands that we spent so much time climbing up and down just giggling and laughing, oblivious of our adulthood yet to come.
As we grew into young men, Blake physically grew much faster than me and then I knew I was in trouble. Plain and simple, he could whoop my butt. Blake loved to make sure I knew that. Remember how I said Blake was an expert on almost anything? Well, he became an expert on pressure points and inflicting pain at will. I, fortunately, became an expert on how to avoid pain. When Blake would come after me, I would immediately drop to the ground in a ball and just tell him that he won. He soon gave up his efforts when he realized there was no longer a challenge. Of course, I wasn't always Mr. Innocent. I could antagonize as good as anybody. Sometimes I guess I would enjoy the chase. Perhaps because it brought a smile to Blake's face. These were the little things that ultimately led to our special brother bond.
Then along came the Hirsches and our family grew. We became known as the Hirschkins. We were a family to be reckoned with. Blake really enjoyed the instant addition of four siblings. He bonded with each of you in a special way. Jacqueline, Steve, Gordon, and the youngster of the family, Lizzy. You brought so much life and energy into our family. That really is a gross understatement: you were really a crazy and wild bunch, which is what Blake loved about all of you so mucy. You were all so special to Blake in your own ways, and I know you share the grief and sorrow that I feel here today. He felt your love and compassion over the past few months and I know it was very special to him that you were all at his side during his last few days. You guys are so amazingly strong and I know that even though a link has been broken in our chain, we will only grow stronger as a family. Blake will always be with us in our hearts.
As we approached the teenage years, Blake became the Ladies' Man. He was a good-looking guy and by no means was he shy. His bedroom was up on the 3rd floor of our house and mine was on the 2nd floor. I truly can't remember how many different pretty girls Blake escorted so eloquently up to his room to hang out. I, of course, being younger and a little curious, decided to sneak up there one time to sneak a peek. Not such a good idea! Blake caught me peering in and let me have it! Let's just say Blake had 100% privacy from that moment on. The girls just adored Blake. He had such a presence and way of making people feel good about themselves.
Blake forged many special friendships and special bonds during his childhood, some that have lasted a lifetime. No matter how much time passed between visits or calls, nor distance traveled away from home, these friendships continued to grow and strengthen. Blake would find a place in a friend's heart and he wouldn't leave. Todd, Frank, and Alexis, you really understood Blake like no one else. I know this because I, too, had this special bond with Blake. He loved you guys so much and I know you loved him the same. Thank you for being there in the end. Blake wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I know how difficult that must have been, but know you will take this special experience and the love that comes with it forever.
Then there is Adam, may he rest in peace. Blake and Adam had such a special friendship duriing their childhood years. They were inseparable. They had the most special of bonds that may happen only once in a lifetime. Suddenly and tragically, Blake's friend passed away at college. Blake was devastated. Not a day has gone by that Blake has not thought about you, Adam. I will never forget the story about Joni, Adam's mother, going to visit her son, Adam, at his final resting place. Whom did she see there but our Blake, keeping Adam company. What a moment that must have been! I know Blake took solace and comfort in his last days here on earth that you were waiting for him with open arms, Adam, looking to be united with your best friend. Please take care of my brother, as I know he will do the same for you.
I know Blake will be joined by so many others who have been waiting for him. Blake, please give big hugs and kisses to Grandmommy, Grandpa Siegfried, and Grandpa Ben. I know I speak for our entire family when I say we miss you all.
As time marched on, I found myself working next to Blake at Pretzel Maker at a mall in Mount Prospect. Little did Blake know this would be the largest turning point in his life. He met his beautiful and adoring wife, Lisa, who worked at a bookstore a few spaces down. How fitting! Go figure Blake would fall for a young woman who loved books, science fiction, and most of all, acting! They were the perfect match. How lucky they were to find each other! They were two souls meant to be with each other and sustain each other. Nothing else mattered as long as they had each other. We welcomed Lisa into our family with open arms and she will forever and always be a member of our family. Shortly after they met, they made their home up in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, 10 years ago, and then were married just over 5 years ago on October 19. Blake was determined to be with Lisa to celebrate their special anniversary.
Lisa, you truly are a special person. Know that you are loved like a sister. My brother was lucky to have you by his side throughout. This he knew. When Blake and I had a quiet moment in the hospital, he turned to me and professed his eternal love for you and insisted that I take care of his Lisa. How lucky I felt that he would entrust me with the most important request of his life! I know you will be part of our lives forever and know that we will be there for you no matter what. On Blake's last day with all of us surrounding him, he knew where you were at every moment. His head was always facing you except for the moments he would shift around a bit. His eyes closed the entire day but for only the last moments he opened his eyes wide and looked right at you, his true love, as he left this world as pure as the day he arrived. He was at peace and you were there with him.
Blake loved being an uncle to his 4 nieces and 2 nephews. Our children Eliza, Abbie, and Lexi, along with his sister (and mine) Laurie's children Brett, Riann, and Jake loved you so very much. Boy, did they love spending time with you up in Oshkosh! They would nag us for hours on end: "When are we going to see Uncle Blake and Aunt Lisa? When are we going back to Wisconsin?" None of us will ever forget how special the visits were. We all came together as a family in a way I had never know because of you, Blake. Such a special gift you gave us. It was nice that all of our siblings could be together in one place and celebrate your life and your 37th birthday.
Let us not forget about your last trip to our home 5 weeks ago. This, to me and all of us, was the most special trip of all. You got to enter into our world and be a part of our lives as we lived them. My heart aches that you will never see my family again. I am so glad you got to have your last double order of French Toast at Walker Brothers smothered with syrup. We know how much you loved to eat. So much, in fact, that I remember you ordering a pizza from Il Forno's on many occasions when we were kids. If I so much as went after a piece of your pizza, you would slap my hand and tell me not to even think about it. Pizza was serious business for you. I remember that if anyone was sharing pizza with you, they had better eat at a record pace, or they may find only a few slices to spare. Fortunately, during your visit, we were able to enjoy your most favorite pizza of all, a large Pequod's thin crust pepperoni. I know what a treat that was for you. Thank goodness we ordered two pizza's for all of us because in Blake style, you finished the whole pizza in dramatic fashion. You have no idea how much I enjoyed seeing you polish off that pizza! The little things in life . . .
I will forever remember the first morning you woke in our house during your visit. You were sitting alone at our kitchen table sipping coffee, as we know you loved to do. I can honestly say I don't know anyone who drank more coffee than you. Well, I saw a shadow creep by our bedroom door that morning and take off downstairs. I stared over the railing and saw the most precious thing I have ever seen. Abbie came up behind you ever so gently, gave you a loving soft rub on your back, and leaned up to kiss you on the cheek. Wow. Then Abbie just sat with you for a half hour just chatting with as only Abbie can do. Eliza, of course, came down shortly thereafter and sat to your other side, and they both kept you in perfect company. The smile and sweetness on your face was priceless. They loved having you here, as we all did. Let's not forget about our little Lexi, who loved to scamper around the house aimlessly with her little smile while you stared at her with delight and love. Time is so precious. I just wish we had more. I will always wish we had more. Our children will miss you dearly and rest assured they will never, ever forget their Uncle Blake. You will be in all of our hearts forever.
We must not forget that while Blake grew into a strong courageous man with such conviction and strength, that he was still his Mommy and Daddy's little boy. The joy he brought to our mother and father was irreplaceable. As a brother, I know how deep my hurt runs, but I can't imagine the grief a mother and father share for the loss of their child. How do a mother and father say good-bye to a son? It's not supposed to be this way, as Blake would say,
" . . . in a perfect world." As lucky as you were to have Blake, he was equally as lucky to have you as parents. A boy needs his Mom and Dad. You were there for him every single step of the way, and he knew that until the end. You were both on each side of him as he took his last breaths, providing him with endless love as you helped him to find peace. Although nothing can or ever will replace our Blake, know that you have all of us to lean on so long as you live.
I also need to say a special thank you to my mom's husband, Lew (my stepdad, who has always been like a father to me), and my dad's wife, Jackie (my stepmom, who has always been a special part of my life). You were true champions. The support and love you gave my mom and dad are unmatched. You are all truly amazing.
Last but certainly not least, I need to tell my adorable wife how much I love her. I love you. You have been at my side relentlessly through this whole nightmare, and I don't think I could have made it through all of this without your strength and support. I also know that you loved Blake very much, and that he found a special place in your heart. He was so fond of you from the day he met you at Pretzel Maker when you came by to visit. He grilled you for 45 minutes and when he was done, you passed his test. You were in. This was Blake, looking out for his little brother as he always did. I know Blake appreciated you in the same way I did, and he loved you like a sister. In his mind, I couldn't have been luckier to find you. I agree. Thank you for being you.
We know that our world is far from perfect, but I do know it was a better world with you in it, Blake. It was such a gift to have you for 37 years. I am proud to say that you were my brother, and whenever I speak of you, which will be often, it will be with the utmost of dignity and pride. You have shown me how to live life to its fullest, and appreciate every single day we have. I will look forward to seeing you on the other side, brother. My heart will always have a little hole in it until such time. I love you with all of my heart, and I will miss you forever and always.
. . . . written and delivered by Steven Cadkin on the day we lay Blake to rest.
Laurie's Tribute to her Brother
Blake: losing you so young is a tragedy of the very worst kind. Your family and friends will never be able to watch you grow older or share any more milestones with you. Your young nieces and nephews have lost their “Uncle Blake.” However you will never be forgotten. I will never stop speaking about you and sharing my memories of you with my children. I will keep your picture in my home so we can always see that beautiful smile. In the face of this terrible disease you forced us to rise to your level of courage and strength. While I could hardly bear to lose you, being there to help you cross over was terrible and painful, but a privilege.
When I lost my brother I discovered a new devotion to those around me. To my family and my children, I may not always express it but you are more precious to me than you will ever know. To my dear friends and my loving husband Steve, thank you for enabling me to go my brother as he lay dying. It was then that my ties to you bound tighter and I will never let that go.
When we lose someone too soon we have to learn something from it. I have chosen to teach my children to fight Sarcoma. For his birthday, my 6 year old son Jake asked his friends to give to the Sarcoma Foundation of America in lieu of gifts. My daughter Riann is planning to do the same when she turns 8 in March. Brett will choose his tribute to Uncle Blake in time. By doing this every year, not only will they learn the satisfaction of giving but also they will be fighting the disease that took their Uncle Blake’s life. Something good has to come out of this.
God looked around his garden and He found an empty place.
And then He looked down upon the Earth, and saw your tired face.
He put His arms around you, and lifted you to rest.
God's garden must be beautiful, He always takes the best.
He knew that you were suffering, He knew you were in pain,
He knew that you would never get well on earth again.
He saw the road was getting rough, and the hills were hard to climb, So He closed your weary eyelids, and whispered "peace be thine."
It broke our hearts to lose you. but you didn't go alone,
For part of us went with you, the day God called you home.
. . . . Laurie Cadkin Newland
When I lost my brother I discovered a new devotion to those around me. To my family and my children, I may not always express it but you are more precious to me than you will ever know. To my dear friends and my loving husband Steve, thank you for enabling me to go my brother as he lay dying. It was then that my ties to you bound tighter and I will never let that go.
When we lose someone too soon we have to learn something from it. I have chosen to teach my children to fight Sarcoma. For his birthday, my 6 year old son Jake asked his friends to give to the Sarcoma Foundation of America in lieu of gifts. My daughter Riann is planning to do the same when she turns 8 in March. Brett will choose his tribute to Uncle Blake in time. By doing this every year, not only will they learn the satisfaction of giving but also they will be fighting the disease that took their Uncle Blake’s life. Something good has to come out of this.
God looked around his garden and He found an empty place.
And then He looked down upon the Earth, and saw your tired face.
He put His arms around you, and lifted you to rest.
God's garden must be beautiful, He always takes the best.
He knew that you were suffering, He knew you were in pain,
He knew that you would never get well on earth again.
He saw the road was getting rough, and the hills were hard to climb, So He closed your weary eyelids, and whispered "peace be thine."
It broke our hearts to lose you. but you didn't go alone,
For part of us went with you, the day God called you home.
. . . . Laurie Cadkin Newland
I didn't know . . .
I didn’t know that there would be days when wiping away tears was a futile gesture
I didn’t know that the tears that drop into the soup or onto the freshly-washed sheets or into the soapy dishwater would become so familiar
I didn’t know that there was pain so deep that I cannot find the other side
I didn’t know that watching him fight his battle, deny his pain, smile through his days would render me immobile for a full day at a time
I didn’t know that the strength I gather to enable me to speak to loved ones would sometimes – without warning – fail me
I didn’t know that watching his dad reading a book would bring me such pleasure at his momentary escape
I didn’t know that hearing his dad moan “Oh nooo” and cover his face when the book failed him and his son’s dying face appeared to him again would create pain that will be in my soul forever
I didn’t know that some mornings I would awaken with my face wet with silent tears
I didn’t know that watching his mother’s strength and sharing her tears would make me love her
I didn’t know that the band of grief around my chest would sometimes make it hard for me to breathe
I didn’t know that sharing a laugh with Alan and Gayle and Lew at dinner would ease that band, and for just a few seconds we would feel what -- maybe normal?
I didn’t know that joining with Gayle to put pretty flowers and small candles on a tiny table in his hospital room for their anniversary would be more satisfying than making a party for hundreds
I didn’t know that sometimes Alan and I, or Gayle and I, or Lew and I would turn blindly into one another’s arms to cry
I didn’t know that the sunshine in Blake’s smile would someday go away
I didn’t know that hearing Gayle say, “The light has gone out of his eyes,” would bring me not only despair, but also resignation
I didn’t know that there would be a time when Blake’s only desire would be the presence of his wife and his parents, and even though that excluded me, I knew it was right and I was at peace with that
I didn’t know that my grief was for Blake’s suffering, and that when the suffering was done, the pain in my chest would be just a shadow of itself
I didn’t know that when Blake’s spirit soared free, my healing would come with stroking his poor ravaged body – arms, face, tummy – and with rediscovering the awful assault of his terrible disease
I didn’t know that Blake’s freed spirit would enfold us so gently and with so much love, and would free us, too, from the agonizing anguish we felt when we lost him
I didn’t know that I would ever smile again remembering this beautiful man who was loaned to us just long enough to teach us his capacity for joy and his love of life
I didn’t know that with his death he would strengthen our family’s love and create for us new bonds of love with people he himself had loved
I didn’t know that both his unquenchable spirit in life and his heroic spirit in dying would comfort us and help us to let him go
I didn’t know that his life was such an irreplaceable gift and that my memory of him would bring me peace
I didn’t know I loved him so deeply and so strongly and that I would have the blessed opportunity to tell him so and that I would know that he heard me and that he took that with him
. . . . but now I know.
I didn’t know that the tears that drop into the soup or onto the freshly-washed sheets or into the soapy dishwater would become so familiar
I didn’t know that there was pain so deep that I cannot find the other side
I didn’t know that watching him fight his battle, deny his pain, smile through his days would render me immobile for a full day at a time
I didn’t know that the strength I gather to enable me to speak to loved ones would sometimes – without warning – fail me
I didn’t know that watching his dad reading a book would bring me such pleasure at his momentary escape
I didn’t know that hearing his dad moan “Oh nooo” and cover his face when the book failed him and his son’s dying face appeared to him again would create pain that will be in my soul forever
I didn’t know that some mornings I would awaken with my face wet with silent tears
I didn’t know that watching his mother’s strength and sharing her tears would make me love her
I didn’t know that the band of grief around my chest would sometimes make it hard for me to breathe
I didn’t know that sharing a laugh with Alan and Gayle and Lew at dinner would ease that band, and for just a few seconds we would feel what -- maybe normal?
I didn’t know that joining with Gayle to put pretty flowers and small candles on a tiny table in his hospital room for their anniversary would be more satisfying than making a party for hundreds
I didn’t know that sometimes Alan and I, or Gayle and I, or Lew and I would turn blindly into one another’s arms to cry
I didn’t know that the sunshine in Blake’s smile would someday go away
I didn’t know that hearing Gayle say, “The light has gone out of his eyes,” would bring me not only despair, but also resignation
I didn’t know that there would be a time when Blake’s only desire would be the presence of his wife and his parents, and even though that excluded me, I knew it was right and I was at peace with that
I didn’t know that my grief was for Blake’s suffering, and that when the suffering was done, the pain in my chest would be just a shadow of itself
I didn’t know that when Blake’s spirit soared free, my healing would come with stroking his poor ravaged body – arms, face, tummy – and with rediscovering the awful assault of his terrible disease
I didn’t know that Blake’s freed spirit would enfold us so gently and with so much love, and would free us, too, from the agonizing anguish we felt when we lost him
I didn’t know that I would ever smile again remembering this beautiful man who was loaned to us just long enough to teach us his capacity for joy and his love of life
I didn’t know that with his death he would strengthen our family’s love and create for us new bonds of love with people he himself had loved
I didn’t know that both his unquenchable spirit in life and his heroic spirit in dying would comfort us and help us to let him go
I didn’t know that his life was such an irreplaceable gift and that my memory of him would bring me peace
I didn’t know I loved him so deeply and so strongly and that I would have the blessed opportunity to tell him so and that I would know that he heard me and that he took that with him
. . . . but now I know.
WOW!!
After reading about Steve's brother Blake all I kept saying was WOW!! Amazing Love
This is so beautiful, I wish I had a chance to meet Blake. As i continued to read about Blake , it seems to me that he was a hero. His good attitude about everything was made of Love. God has a special place for him. Am sure he is smiling and looking out for each and everyone of you. A guardian Angel. None really knows why things happen the way they do, but there is a purpose for everything. Where there is Love there is happiness. This moment is hard for everyone, Ive lost both of my parents and till this day I miss them very much. All I know is that there are in a better peaceful place. My prayers are for all of the family. God Bless each and everyone of you and that the Lord will keep you.
This is so beautiful, I wish I had a chance to meet Blake. As i continued to read about Blake , it seems to me that he was a hero. His good attitude about everything was made of Love. God has a special place for him. Am sure he is smiling and looking out for each and everyone of you. A guardian Angel. None really knows why things happen the way they do, but there is a purpose for everything. Where there is Love there is happiness. This moment is hard for everyone, Ive lost both of my parents and till this day I miss them very much. All I know is that there are in a better peaceful place. My prayers are for all of the family. God Bless each and everyone of you and that the Lord will keep you.
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