"In a Perfect World . . ."

People would say to Blake, "It's not fair/you're too young/you have so much to offer/it is just not your time." Blake's response: "In a perfect world. . ." Blake understood life better than anyone.

For those of you who may not know, I am Blake's (B.J.'s) little brother and I couldn't be prouder. Words cannot describe the pain and sorrow I feel today as I stand here and share my experiences and stories of a truly great man. He taught me more about character and human spirit that I didn't even know existed. He fought this horrific disease bravely and valiantly for six months. Blake was stoic throughout. He never once complained nor did he ever ask, "Why me?"

Every time I visited with Blake I would ask him, "How are you doing?" He would just smile and say he was doing good. He smiled throughout and enjoyed the company of family and friends at every possible moment. He was a true warrior with the most gentle soul, which I was fortunate enough to discover during the past months.

The last 48 hours of Blake's 37 blessful years here with us were absolutely extraordinary. As he was in and out of consciousness and being tormented endlessly with pain and nausea, he would say the most beautiful things I have ever heard. At one point near the end, after having had his eyes closed for many hours, he opened them long enough to scan the entire room and then say in the sweetest whispering voice, "I love you all." I thought, how can Blake top that? Well, leave it to Blake to try. A few hours later he had one last moment that to me truly defined Blake's character. In his one last attempt to communicate with those loved ones surrounding him, he whispered in his deep sleep, "I am so lucky." It was only an hour later that Blake took his last few breaths and found true peace. He was surrounded by family and friends whom he had such deep affection for.

When Blake was told of his illness, he didn't waver. He said to the doctor, "What do I have to do to fight this disease and when can I start?" He was determined to beat this thing and believed that he would until near the end. No one was going to tell him otherwise. Blake was going to do it his way and on his terms, just as he lived his life.

Blake lived for the here and now. His philosophy on life was a little different than most. He decided he was going to be retired before he worked. This made sense to Blake, and as it turns out, he had it right all along. He got to experience life to its fullest exactly the way he wanted. What more can one ask for?

He was a brilliant man who read books at the speed of light. He relished science fiction novels and was an expert on just about everything. In fact, Blake would sometimes take his expertise to another level. He might tell you the earth is flat, and by the time he was done with you, you either believed him or you would just give up. He didn't like to be wrong and always argued until you could argue no more. This was Blake and this was one of the many things I loved about my brother. Little did I know that his willingness to never give up would play such an important role in his life.

His biggest passion in life was acting. This was his true calling in life. He relished being up on stage and having an audience cheer him on. He started acting in high school and never looked back. He participated in countless plays over the last 20 years and started to direct plays as well. He and his wife, Lisa, started up the Eclectic Arts Theater Company in Oshkosh, which is where he spent most of his free time. The acting community was where Blake belonged and where he built many special relationships. I know all of his friends and colleagues will miss him dearly.

I feel so lucky and fortunate to have shared my life with Blake. We had the best of times, starting when we were just little boys. We invented so many little games that entertained us, my favorite being "Don't Touch Green!" Almost our entire first floor and upstairs was green carpet, and we had to navigate the house without touching green. The first to do so lost the game. Win or lose, we always had a great time. I remember building a tree house in our backyard with our bare hands that we spent so much time climbing up and down just giggling and laughing, oblivious of our adulthood yet to come.

As we grew into young men, Blake physically grew much faster than me and then I knew I was in trouble. Plain and simple, he could whoop my butt. Blake loved to make sure I knew that. Remember how I said Blake was an expert on almost anything? Well, he became an expert on pressure points and inflicting pain at will. I, fortunately, became an expert on how to avoid pain. When Blake would come after me, I would immediately drop to the ground in a ball and just tell him that he won. He soon gave up his efforts when he realized there was no longer a challenge. Of course, I wasn't always Mr. Innocent. I could antagonize as good as anybody. Sometimes I guess I would enjoy the chase. Perhaps because it brought a smile to Blake's face. These were the little things that ultimately led to our special brother bond.

Then along came the Hirsches and our family grew. We became known as the Hirschkins. We were a family to be reckoned with. Blake really enjoyed the instant addition of four siblings. He bonded with each of you in a special way. Jacqueline, Steve, Gordon, and the youngster of the family, Lizzy. You brought so much life and energy into our family. That really is a gross understatement: you were really a crazy and wild bunch, which is what Blake loved about all of you so mucy. You were all so special to Blake in your own ways, and I know you share the grief and sorrow that I feel here today. He felt your love and compassion over the past few months and I know it was very special to him that you were all at his side during his last few days. You guys are so amazingly strong and I know that even though a link has been broken in our chain, we will only grow stronger as a family. Blake will always be with us in our hearts.

As we approached the teenage years, Blake became the Ladies' Man. He was a good-looking guy and by no means was he shy. His bedroom was up on the 3rd floor of our house and mine was on the 2nd floor. I truly can't remember how many different pretty girls Blake escorted so eloquently up to his room to hang out. I, of course, being younger and a little curious, decided to sneak up there one time to sneak a peek. Not such a good idea! Blake caught me peering in and let me have it! Let's just say Blake had 100% privacy from that moment on. The girls just adored Blake. He had such a presence and way of making people feel good about themselves.

Blake forged many special friendships and special bonds during his childhood, some that have lasted a lifetime. No matter how much time passed between visits or calls, nor distance traveled away from home, these friendships continued to grow and strengthen. Blake would find a place in a friend's heart and he wouldn't leave. Todd, Frank, and Alexis, you really understood Blake like no one else. I know this because I, too, had this special bond with Blake. He loved you guys so much and I know you loved him the same. Thank you for being there in the end. Blake wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I know how difficult that must have been, but know you will take this special experience and the love that comes with it forever.

Then there is Adam, may he rest in peace. Blake and Adam had such a special friendship duriing their childhood years. They were inseparable. They had the most special of bonds that may happen only once in a lifetime. Suddenly and tragically, Blake's friend passed away at college. Blake was devastated. Not a day has gone by that Blake has not thought about you, Adam. I will never forget the story about Joni, Adam's mother, going to visit her son, Adam, at his final resting place. Whom did she see there but our Blake, keeping Adam company. What a moment that must have been! I know Blake took solace and comfort in his last days here on earth that you were waiting for him with open arms, Adam, looking to be united with your best friend. Please take care of my brother, as I know he will do the same for you.

I know Blake will be joined by so many others who have been waiting for him. Blake, please give big hugs and kisses to Grandmommy, Grandpa Siegfried, and Grandpa Ben. I know I speak for our entire family when I say we miss you all.

As time marched on, I found myself working next to Blake at Pretzel Maker at a mall in Mount Prospect. Little did Blake know this would be the largest turning point in his life. He met his beautiful and adoring wife, Lisa, who worked at a bookstore a few spaces down. How fitting! Go figure Blake would fall for a young woman who loved books, science fiction, and most of all, acting! They were the perfect match. How lucky they were to find each other! They were two souls meant to be with each other and sustain each other. Nothing else mattered as long as they had each other. We welcomed Lisa into our family with open arms and she will forever and always be a member of our family. Shortly after they met, they made their home up in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, 10 years ago, and then were married just over 5 years ago on October 19. Blake was determined to be with Lisa to celebrate their special anniversary.

Lisa, you truly are a special person. Know that you are loved like a sister. My brother was lucky to have you by his side throughout. This he knew. When Blake and I had a quiet moment in the hospital, he turned to me and professed his eternal love for you and insisted that I take care of his Lisa. How lucky I felt that he would entrust me with the most important request of his life! I know you will be part of our lives forever and know that we will be there for you no matter what. On Blake's last day with all of us surrounding him, he knew where you were at every moment. His head was always facing you except for the moments he would shift around a bit. His eyes closed the entire day but for only the last moments he opened his eyes wide and looked right at you, his true love, as he left this world as pure as the day he arrived. He was at peace and you were there with him.

Blake loved being an uncle to his 4 nieces and 2 nephews. Our children Eliza, Abbie, and Lexi, along with his sister (and mine) Laurie's children Brett, Riann, and Jake loved you so very much. Boy, did they love spending time with you up in Oshkosh! They would nag us for hours on end: "When are we going to see Uncle Blake and Aunt Lisa? When are we going back to Wisconsin?" None of us will ever forget how special the visits were. We all came together as a family in a way I had never know because of you, Blake. Such a special gift you gave us. It was nice that all of our siblings could be together in one place and celebrate your life and your 37th birthday.

Let us not forget about your last trip to our home 5 weeks ago. This, to me and all of us, was the most special trip of all. You got to enter into our world and be a part of our lives as we lived them. My heart aches that you will never see my family again. I am so glad you got to have your last double order of French Toast at Walker Brothers smothered with syrup. We know how much you loved to eat. So much, in fact, that I remember you ordering a pizza from Il Forno's on many occasions when we were kids. If I so much as went after a piece of your pizza, you would slap my hand and tell me not to even think about it. Pizza was serious business for you. I remember that if anyone was sharing pizza with you, they had better eat at a record pace, or they may find only a few slices to spare. Fortunately, during your visit, we were able to enjoy your most favorite pizza of all, a large Pequod's thin crust pepperoni. I know what a treat that was for you. Thank goodness we ordered two pizza's for all of us because in Blake style, you finished the whole pizza in dramatic fashion. You have no idea how much I enjoyed seeing you polish off that pizza! The little things in life . . .

I will forever remember the first morning you woke in our house during your visit. You were sitting alone at our kitchen table sipping coffee, as we know you loved to do. I can honestly say I don't know anyone who drank more coffee than you. Well, I saw a shadow creep by our bedroom door that morning and take off downstairs. I stared over the railing and saw the most precious thing I have ever seen. Abbie came up behind you ever so gently, gave you a loving soft rub on your back, and leaned up to kiss you on the cheek. Wow. Then Abbie just sat with you for a half hour just chatting with as only Abbie can do. Eliza, of course, came down shortly thereafter and sat to your other side, and they both kept you in perfect company. The smile and sweetness on your face was priceless. They loved having you here, as we all did. Let's not forget about our little Lexi, who loved to scamper around the house aimlessly with her little smile while you stared at her with delight and love. Time is so precious. I just wish we had more. I will always wish we had more. Our children will miss you dearly and rest assured they will never, ever forget their Uncle Blake. You will be in all of our hearts forever.

We must not forget that while Blake grew into a strong courageous man with such conviction and strength, that he was still his Mommy and Daddy's little boy. The joy he brought to our mother and father was irreplaceable. As a brother, I know how deep my hurt runs, but I can't imagine the grief a mother and father share for the loss of their child. How do a mother and father say good-bye to a son? It's not supposed to be this way, as Blake would say,
" . . . in a perfect world." As lucky as you were to have Blake, he was equally as lucky to have you as parents. A boy needs his Mom and Dad. You were there for him every single step of the way, and he knew that until the end. You were both on each side of him as he took his last breaths, providing him with endless love as you helped him to find peace. Although nothing can or ever will replace our Blake, know that you have all of us to lean on so long as you live.

I also need to say a special thank you to my mom's husband, Lew (my stepdad, who has always been like a father to me), and my dad's wife, Jackie (my stepmom, who has always been a special part of my life). You were true champions. The support and love you gave my mom and dad are unmatched. You are all truly amazing.

Last but certainly not least, I need to tell my adorable wife how much I love her. I love you. You have been at my side relentlessly through this whole nightmare, and I don't think I could have made it through all of this without your strength and support. I also know that you loved Blake very much, and that he found a special place in your heart. He was so fond of you from the day he met you at Pretzel Maker when you came by to visit. He grilled you for 45 minutes and when he was done, you passed his test. You were in. This was Blake, looking out for his little brother as he always did. I know Blake appreciated you in the same way I did, and he loved you like a sister. In his mind, I couldn't have been luckier to find you. I agree. Thank you for being you.

We know that our world is far from perfect, but I do know it was a better world with you in it, Blake. It was such a gift to have you for 37 years. I am proud to say that you were my brother, and whenever I speak of you, which will be often, it will be with the utmost of dignity and pride. You have shown me how to live life to its fullest, and appreciate every single day we have. I will look forward to seeing you on the other side, brother. My heart will always have a little hole in it until such time. I love you with all of my heart, and I will miss you forever and always.

. . . . written and delivered by Steven Cadkin on the day we lay Blake to rest.